This essay was written by a student in timed conditions, in response to the June 2017 past paper for AQA English Language Paper 1. Marking and feedback by an AQA Examiner have been provided below.
Focus this part of your answer on the second part of the source, from line 19 to the end. A student said, ‘This part of the story, set in the hat shop, shows that the red-haired girl has many advantages in life, and I think Rosabel is right to be angry.’ To what extent do you agree? In your response, you could:
- Consider your own impressions of the red-haired girl
- Evaluate how the writer conveys Rosabel’s reactions to the red-haired girl
- Support your response with references to the text. [20 marks]
THE CENTRAL FOCUS OF THE QUESTION:
- The red-haired girl has many advantages in life (AGREE / DISAGREE)
- Rosabel is right to be angry (AGREE / DISAGREE)
Rosabell is being mocked by the red hair girl and in the text, it says, “let me see how it looks on you.” This might suggest that the red-haired girl is trying to make Rosabell look poor by making her try the hat on knowing that she can’t afford it making Rosabell jealous of the red-haired girl being able to buy the hat.
The red-haired girl is being rude to Rosabell as in the text it says, “The girl glance laughingly.” This implies that the red-haired girl doesn’t respect Rosabell at all because she talks to her rudely and was laughing when Rosabell was trying to introduce the hat to her. The word “laughingly” might suggest that the red-haired girl doesn’t care about Rosabell at all and doesn’t care when Rosabell is trying to explain to her about the hat.
Rosabell and lavish people often. Plus, in the text the author writes, “eyes the colour of that green ribbon shot with gold.” This might imply that Rosabell is jealous of her, and the word “gold” suggest that she is rich. Also, in the text the red-haired girl describes Rosabell “isn’t it adorable, it suits you beautifully” while Rosabell is trying the hat on. The red-haired girl probably was trying to compliment Rosabell for how pretty she is while wearing the hat. However, the red-haired girl shouldn’t demand so many needs for Rosabell and should be more respect full to Rosabell for her hard work.
In the end I conclude that Rosabell should be mad at the red-haired girl because even though your richer and have superiority over someone you still show respect to Rosabell and Rosabell was trying to be as helpful as possible even though she was mad at the red-haired girl being very rude, mocking her.
This is a good essay with clear points organised into PEE structures and a good conclusion. To improve, make sure to use a thesis and introduction that establishes your argument – also, read back over your writing to check for grammatical errors – for instance, the sentence “Rosabell and lavish people often.” seems unfinished.
Overall this is a good piece! Well done.
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